Personal Narratives

Ann Sheridan’s First Visit To The Healing Center

Ann Sheridan parked her car in the front-row handicap section of The Healing Center’s parking lot.  As she got out, a young man driving a non-polluting electric vehicle silently came to a stop near her.

“May I give you a lift to the front door?” he asked politely, but she sensed that his smile and his concern were genuine.

She managed a thin smile of her own through the pain that was always with her.  I haven’t had much occasion to smile lately, she thought wryly.  “No, but thank you.  My doctor tells me I need to walk as much as I can.  I’m early and I see there are benches for me to rest on along the path.”

He nodded, smiled again, and the vehicle slowly pulled away.  Despite herself, she felt a liking for him.

She moved slowly and painfully along the path.  Her leg joints and muscles hurt and protested with every step, particularly those on her right side.  Due to the pain, her arms were no longer of much use to her either.  Her medical doctor had diagnosed her with polymyalgia rheumatica.  It meant ‘many muscle aches with inflammation.’  She could have told him that.  Now he was recommending a course of drugs that contained the possibility of terrible side effects – as if she needed more problems.  As to what had caused it, he didn’t offer much explanation except that she needed to reduce the stress in her life.  She sighed.

She walked along the beautifully landscaped path.  She knew her plants.  Along each side grew cold tolerant cacti and other succulents, as well as an array of colorful flowers attended by butterflies.  It looked like The Healing Center respected the environment.  About halfway to the entrance she sat down and relaxed, enjoying the scenic backdrop of the magnificent Rocky Mountains laid out before her.  She had heard they had nature trails going back into those mountains.  Like I’ll ever get to enjoy them, she thought bitterly.  She sighed again without realizing it.

As she rested, the tranquility of the land began to calm her.  She became aware of birdsongs, and then saw the birds flitting through the trees.  A few yards away, a cottontail rabbit munched on a plant by a cluster of scrub oaks.  She sat transfixed by the scene, forgetting her pain and her bitterness for a few moments.  It had been a long time since she had been out in nature, and she had missed it terribly.

Feeling a bit more peaceful, she got up and resumed her journey to the building’s main entrance.  She walked slowly and deliberately through the courtyard leading to the building.  This courtyard was filled with native plants, creating a carpet of lively green energy all along the front of the building.  As she finally reached the front door, she wondered if the inside of the building would be as nice and as soothing as the outside.

She looked around as she entered through the large doors.  There was a sign over the doors which read, May All Who Enter Here Find Peace and Comfort.  Another sign said, We are dedicated to healing – and to caring.  “Nice words,” she thought, “but do they mean it?”

There was no registration counter.  As she continued inside, a young woman with an engaging smile and warm brown eyes walked up to her.

“Mrs. Ann Sheridan?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Sandra Wells.  I want to welcome you here.  I also want you to know that we really are dedicated both to healing and to caring here.  It’s not just a slogan.  It’s the way we have chosen to be – and we each made that choice from our Hearts.  Sandra’s eyes smiled as she said, “I’m your advocate, and I will be with you every step of the way for as long as you are a client here.  I’m here to guide you and assist you through your process of healing – and to answer your questions.  Please let me know if you need anything – including someone to listen to you.”

“They pay you to do this – to be with me?”

“Not at all.  I’m a volunteer.  I’m here to be your advocate and to be with you solely because I want to.  I know that the healing process can be confusing or even frightening at times, and I am here to be with you and help you through that confusion and that fear – if they occur.”

Ann was surprised by Sandra’s open expression of her feelings, and her suspicions and anxieties were beginning to melt away.  It would be wonderful to have someone dedicated just to her to accompany her through whatever was going to happen next.  She wouldn’t feel so all alone and so unimportant, like she usually did.

“Would you like a wheelchair for the tour?”

“That would be nice.  I’ve had my walk.”

Once Ann was comfortably seated, Sandra rolled her through the dining area, the inner courtyard, and then into the large exercise area beyond it.  There were plants and rich colors everywhere, making each space feel warm and inviting.

Ann was struck by the lack of rows on rows of machines that she had seen in the physical therapy facility she had gone to months earlier.  “You don’t do physical therapy here?”

“Yes, we do, but our approach is different than most places you may have experienced in the past.  Here we have what is called a holistic approach, which means that we consider the whole person and that person’s total needs when we design a program for healing.  We don’t just attend to a symptom.”  Sandra smiled again, and Ann thought she may have seen a spark of something – perhaps wisdom – briefly flashing in Sandra’s eyes.  What Sandra was telling her sure was different than what she had heard in the other places she had been to – but it made a lot of sense.

A Nia class was underway on the floating wood floor of the exercise area.  The day was warm, and the wide doorway to the outside patio was open, letting in a flow of fresh mountain air.  Ann and Sandra stood unobtrusively to one side watching the class.  The teacher and some of the participants smiled at them.  “Does everybody here smile – and what do they have to smile about?”  Ann wondered.  Ann was having feelings she hadn’t felt in a while – positive feelings – and she wasn’t sure she wanted to allow herself to feel them, for she didn’t want to be disappointed again.

“There is no way I can dance,” Ann said bitterly.  The positive feelings disappeared as she focused on all that was missing in her life.

“While you’re here, you won’t be asked to do anything you don’t want to do.  But we will ask you to consider if your beliefs about what you feel you are incapable of doing are true or not.  We will also look at your beliefs about whether you are stuck in your present physical condition, or whether you can learn to heal yourself and return to full health.  In the holistic approach, we will assist you in understanding the relationship between what you believe and the health of your physical body.  You will also learn how to heal yourself.”

Sandra paused, giving Ann a few minutes to consider what she had said.  “Shall we watch them dance for a few minutes?”  Ann wasn’t sure she understood what Sandra had been explaining to her.  “How could I ever learn to heal myself?” she thought.  “I’m not a doctor.  And what do my beliefs have to do with my physical condition or my pain?”  She said nothing in reply to Sandra, deciding to wait and see.

Ann then focused her attention on two women at the back of the class who were moving slowly, and not attempting to keep up with some of the more agile dancers in front of them.  They would try a movement for a while, and then stop and sway in place to the music until the next form started.  Then they would try that form.

“Those two are beginners.  They’re learning that they can join in a little at a time.  They’re in the process of building their muscles – and their flexibility.  See the older man in the middle?”

Ann nodded.

“He’s been with us for two months now,” Sandra continued.  “He was more physically handicapped that the two women at the back when he first started.  After your assessment is completed, we’ll find something you feel comfortable with to help you gently exercise your muscles and build your strength.  Nia is just one of our programs.  We also have classes in yoga, tai chi, and other movement modalities which you can try in order to assist you in learning how to heal yourself.”

There was that “learning how to heal yourself” again.  When she finally built up the necessary courage, Ann would ask about that.  For now she would just listen, for she didn’t want to get her hopes up – and then be disappointed, or feel crushed.  The despair that would follow would be overwhelming – and it was frightening to even think about it.

Sandra wheeled Ann back across the dining area and toward the offices tucked away behind it.  The people in the dining room seemed to be eating with relish.  “Maybe they have good food here.  That would certainly be a plus,” she thought.

“I better get up and walk.  I get very stiff if I sit too long.”  Sandra stopped, and Ann got out of the chair.

Sandra walked alongside her as she slowly and laboriously made her way down a sunlit hallway filled with leafy green plants and pleasant-looking alcoves.  There were small fountains of gurgling water adding to the pleasant and comfortable feel of the hall.  Each alcove had a comfortable bench just big enough for two – and some of them were filled with a twosome.

Sandra gestured toward the people sitting in the alcoves, saying, “Those are other clients and their advocates.  The practitioners’ suites are located over here.  The offices are grouped together because the practitioners work together in teams.”

“In teams – what does that mean?”

“When you go through the assessment and healing processes here you will have a team of practitioners assigned to you.  Usually, there are six members on a team:  a physician or nurse practitioner, an acupuncturist, a chiropractor, a body worker such as a medical massage therapist or physical therapist, a nutritionist or herbalist, and a psychologist or psychotherapist.  You will have an initial visit with each of your six practitioners, one at a time, so they can each assess the state of your health.  Then you and I, and the six practitioners in your team will all meet together in order to discuss their findings – and talk about what your real health issues are.”

“The best part is next.  Together, we will all create an individualized healing program for you that is best suited to your unique healing needs.  We have dozens of healing modalities and approaches to choose from – and you will be the main participant in choosing your healing program.”

“Your healing program will be focused on attaining healing for you on the mental, emotional, and spiritual levels of your being – as well as in your physical body – for the person that you are is far more than just your physical body.  The holistic approach means we focus on all of you, and on attending to all your needs for healing.  And you’ll find that your practitioners are truly caring people who can express their caring toward you.  Caring is not just a slogan here.  You’ll discover that on your own when you meet your team of practitioners, and begin your assessment process.”

“A whole team working on me?  Choosing my healing program?”  These were new concepts to Ann, and she silently rolled these thoughts around in her mind.  She didn’t know what to say.  Those positive reactions started within her again.  Dare she let herself feel them?

Sandra led Ann through a set of beautifully carved wooden doors.  “This is our chapel.”

Ann looked inside.  Rows of stained glass panels lined the walls with scenes of spruce forest, mountains, plains, rainforest, oceans, the earth from space – and at the far end, a picture of the cosmos.  There were a few comfortable places to sit along the walls, but otherwise the central area was open.  The tiled floor formed what looked like a maze outlined in beautifully matched colors.

“It’s beautiful.  There isn’t much seating, though.”

“We have chairs and cushions to create seating for up to 40 people.  But otherwise we leave it open so people can walk the maze.”

“Walk the maze?”

“Yes, many people enjoy walking the maze and use it as a form of meditation.  Your entry into the maze and your journey to the center symbolizes your life thus far.  The center is now – the present.  The path you take out symbolizes your future.  Or, you can do it just for fun.”

“Hmm.  Fun and enjoyment.  Now, that’s a concept I haven’t been considering for myself for a long time,” Ann thought to herself.  Ann didn’t expect that anyone could have fun here, for she didn’t consider that fun or enjoyment could be part of someone’s healing process.

“Do you meditate?” Sandra asked.

“Not really.  But perhaps I should.”  Ann sighed.  “My legs are getting tired again.  I need to sit.”  Ann felt a wave of irritation coming on at the thought of how feeble she had become during her illness.  Fun, enjoyment, and meditation were the farthest things from her mind.  All she could think of at this moment was how awful she had been feeling for the last few years – a painful few years that had seemed like a lifetime.

Sandra led Ann a short distance back to one of the offices used for admissions.  “When you phoned, you indicated that you wanted to sign up for our program today, is that right?”

“Yes.”  Ann sat down in a comfortable chair by a desk.

Sandra brought a few forms out of the desk drawer.  “We try to keep the paperwork as minimal and as painless as possible.  Please fill out these forms so your practitioner team will have all the basic information they will need for the assessment process.  Take as long as you need.  I am here to help you with the forms, if you need any assistance or have any questions.  Would you like something to drink – or can I sharpen your quill pen and fill your inkpot before you start?”

Ann chuckled.  It was nice to see that Sandra had a sense of humor.  It was even nicer to feel that her own sense of humor was starting to come back – and that it hadn’t been buried forever under all that pain and hopelessness.  “A drink of cool water, please.”  Ann surprised herself by smiling.  It was easy to smile in this place.  It felt almost like this place was built to support smiling – and that the building itself smiled back at you.  Even though she hadn’t started her assessment process or even met her team of practitioners yet, Ann sensed that something within her had begun to shift.

As she watched Sandra returning with her water, Ann began to feel that Sandra really cared about her – even though they had only known each other for less than an hour.  Ann was beginning to feel something slowly melting within her.  The water Sandra handed her was delicious – better than any water she had ever tasted before.

Ann refocused on the task at hand.  The first form was similar to what Ann had filled out at many a doctor’s office.  Well-experienced at this, she quickly worked her way through it.  The second form, however, was very different than the ones she had encountered in the past.  She paused after reading one of the sentences in the heading: “To truly heal yourself mentally and physically, you need to understand the underlying emotions and beliefs that are blocking you from moving forward toward positive change.”

Her doctor in town had mentioned that she needed to reduce the stress in her life.  But she had no idea of how to shut out the incessant chatter of worry, self-criticism, and stress that at times seemed to take over her mind.  Perhaps The Healing Center would help her find a way to get rid of her stress.  The worksheet asked her to list the feelings and emotions she most frequently experienced, and those that were most intense.  It also asked what feelings she rarely felt, and would like to experience more often.

Tears began to run down her cheeks.  She couldn’t help it – and couldn’t stop them from slowly and softly sliding down her face as she filled out this last part with the list of feelings she all too rarely felt:  joy, happiness, enthusiasm, appreciation, gratitude, and peace.  It would be wonderful to feel those feelings and emotions again – incredibly wonderful!

Ann looked up and saw Sandra smiling at her with a warm smile.  Ann was surprised that Sandra wasn’t worried or concerned about her tears.  She was even more surprised that Sandra made no effort to try to talk her out of her feelings.  “She knows,” Ann said to herself. “She knows!”  More tears rolled down her cheeks.  Ann looked into Sandra’s eyes and shyly said, “You’ve been where I am right now, haven’t you?  You’ve felt what I’ve been feeling.”  There was a brief moment of silence, and then Sandra simply said in a soft voice, “Yes.”

There was another moment of poignant silence between them, and then Ann returned to her forms.  The feelings which were beginning to come up in her since she had walked through the front doors led her to think about having to be interviewed by a psychologist.  What would that be like?  What would the psychologist ask her – and what would he think of her and all her problems?

Ann had never been to a psychologist, and quite frankly, was a little afraid of doing so.  Wasn’t that admitting defeat?  Yet she knew better.  Whatever she had been doing thus far in her life hadn’t been working.  Her quality of life had steadily gone downhill the last several years.  She didn’t want to think about how awful life had become for her, but her mind kept being drawn back to all the suffering she had been through.  Was this suffering going to continue?  Was The Healing Center going to be able to help her?  Was there really any hope for her?  Would they tell her the truth – or try to sugar coat it for her?

Ann glanced down at the final two blanks to be filled out on the form: “The main purpose for my life is:__________” and “The meaning of life is:__________”

She looked at these two questions in disbelief.  Her mind felt like it was spinning around and around.  She hadn’t thought about questions like that in years.

Sandra looked at her and asked,  “Ann, how are you doing?  You look a little pale.”

Ann shook her head slowly.  “These last two questions about my life have me stumped.  I’m having a hard time focusing on them.  Can I have a little time to think about them?”

Sandra smiled knowingly.  “Of course.  The whole idea behind those questions to open you up to think about yourself and your life – and to obtaining a different perspective on your life, a more objective and more loving perspective.  Take all the time you need, but be sure to answer both those questions.  As you do, keep in mind that the answers to those two questions are for you more than for your team.”  Ann pondered this idea for a moment, and then began writing out her answers.  Somehow, the thoughts about her life purpose and about the meaning of life just seemed to flow into her head.

Just as Ann was finishing her last answer, a tall middle-aged man with a relaxed, congenial demeanor walked in.  Sandra nodded toward him.  “Ann, this is Sam Kosinski.  He coordinates the assessment process.  He’s going to talk with you about the options in our program.”  Sam walked over and offered a big muscular hand.  Ann reached out hesitantly, almost wincing before he touched her because of her experience with her sore muscles and macho men who seemed to think shaking hands had to be a contest.  He took her hand ever so gently and squeezed it lightly, pausing for a moment as he looked into her eyes.  Surprised, she felt there was warmth in his eyes, too.

As Sandra left them, Sam said, “Welcome to The Healing Center!  We are all going to do our best to help you.”  Something in his voice and in his demeanor led Ann to believe him.  He continued, “I’m going to show you a brief video to introduce you to your team.”

“My team?  The team I am going to have is already decided?”

“Yes, each team is balanced to cover the physical, mental, emotional, behavioral, and spiritual aspects of healing.  This team specializes in helping people who have serious disabilities and chronic conditions.”

The video started with a physician who introduced the other team members: a psychologist, chiropractor, nutritionist, naturopathic doctor, acupuncturist, and medical massage specialist.  They were each discussing who they were, what they do, and how they work together.  Ann’s impression was that they were all warm and caring people – she could see it in their faces and hear it in their voices.  And each one of them smiled at her.

Although she was feeling anxious, she could feel herself responding to these members of her team.  A smile began to form at the corners of her mouth.  Maybe, just maybe, things would work out for her – and maybe, just maybe, she would get better and feel less pain, or even no pain.  It was difficult to let herself think about this.  She didn’t want to create false hope.

Sam shut off the video.  He smiled too.  “We also have other practitioners who may at some point become part of your team – body workers, physical therapists, exercise coordinators, yoga instructors, and water therapists – just to name a few.  Sam had a twinkle in his eye as he said, “By a strange coincidence, we just happen to have videos explaining what each of these healing modalities are and what they may be able to do for you.”  Ann chuckled – that was twice in one day, a most unusual occurrence for her.

Sam picked up the forms Ann had filled out.  “Let’s go over these forms.  Then we can discuss how your team can help you – and I’ll address any concerns that you have.”

Their discussion lasted for nearly two hours.  Ann felt she had all her questions answered about The Healing Center, about her options, and about her practitioner team.  She was beginning to feel comfortable being here.

Sam glanced at the clock.  “It’s just after noon.  There’s one person on your team that we’ve scheduled you to meet with today at 1:00 pm.  Sandra will take you to the dining area for lunch if you’d like – or you can have lunch by yourself if you’d like to think about things on your own.”

“No.  I’d love to have lunch with Sandra.”

Sandra led her back the tastefully furnished dining area.  “The food is prepared by a special chef in accordance with our guidelines.  Everything is organic with an emphasis on seasonal raw foods, and we usually have two very tasty soups to choose from.”

Ann thought the selection looked fresh and delicious.  They made their choices and sat down.  Before starting, Ann smiled over at Sandra, the first full and completely uninhibited smile she had felt like making in a long time.

After a relaxed lunch, Sandra took her to see Fran Shapiro, introducing Fran as a psychologist with a holistic approach.

“What does a psychologist with a holistic approach do?”

“Have a seat and I’ll tell you all about it.”

Ann sat down in a comfortable chair, and gazed around the room.  The room had a warm and comforting feel to it.

They talked for an hour.  Gradually, Ann relaxed as her fears about what might happen when she saw a psychologist slowly faded away.  Ann slowly and cautiously began to accept that Fran Shapiro might be able to help her – and help her learn to heal.

This had been quite a day – a very enlightening day.  She was beginning to feel that healing might be a real possibility for her.  She chuckled once more as mulled over the thought that she might also really learn how to heal herself.  Three chuckles in one day – amazing!

Sandra came and guided Ann back to the room where she had filled out the forms.  They worked out a schedule of practitioner appointments for the rest of Ann’s assessment process.  When they had finished and stood up, Sandra opened her arms and said, “Would you like a hug?”

Ann nodded and opened her arms, too.  It was the first hug she had shared in years.  She felt a little awkward and shy at first, but was reassured by the warm, supportive energy coming from Sandra.  Ann relaxed and let herself enjoy the hug – and the warmth.

Sandra smiled and said, “You will find that the staff is big on giving hugs – and on receiving hugs.”

Ann smiled back and said, “I can always use a good hug.  Thank you so much for all your help today.  I am very grateful.”

“You’re welcome, Ann.  And I have a suggestion for you.  When you see the practitioners on your team, and they ask how you are feeling, don’t say ‘fine’ or ‘good.’  Tell them how you really feel.  Here we emphasize and value honesty.  We hope you will come to appreciate the healing power of learning to be open and honest.”

Ann nodded thoughtfully for a moment.  Then she expressed a feeling she had been afraid to let herself feel for a very long time.  Feeling tears welling up in her eyes once again, she said very softly, “I’m feeling very…hopeful.  Thank you so much.”

Sandra broke into a smile that came from her Heart, and said “I am so glad.  Thank you for telling me.  This is what we are about – hope and healing.”

*     *     *     *     *

The Healing Center

A Place for Heart-to-Heart Connections and for Healing

A Place Where You Can Be At Peace

For more information about The Healing Center, please contact:

Carla Harris     719.633.8080

Info@TheHealingCenterRM.org